Graduation fallout....

I arrived back from my trek a couple of days early so that I could assess the internet situation so that I could do my graduation interview via Skype.  I thought i had it all sussed out, tested it a couple of times, had a quiet place although a bit claustrophobic, so i spent the whole day just waiting for time to pass.

When it was nearly time, i was getting myself ready, making sure the setting was right.  I could see that the graduation panel were online and so i sent them a message saying that I was ready when they were.  They replied that they would be a few more minutes.  So i waited.  The internet crashed... annoyance, frustration... phew, okay it is back on.  The call is made, I answer. We greet each other for all of 20 seconds before the internet crashes again. WTF!! Okay, slight panic now – ‘Dude, get the internet working!!’ agreement to allocate me all the bandwidth for my call. Change the password, receive a call again, a few more words spoken before it crashes again... a sense of helplessness as I am unable to prevent the internet crashes, and it feels like my future is completely out of my hands.  Here is an opportunity to represent myself and my case for graduation and it is just slipping through my fingers.

I receive a message saying that they will decide my application based on the information that I had sent them, and that i would hear the results in July along with everyone else.... Panic, run to another internet place, back online, but the opportunity has passed.  The panel are now offline and i feel bereft, frustrated, disbelieving. How could it have turned out like this?  It just can’t be! But it is. That was it. My graduation interview, over in a matter of moments after so much energy and preparation was spent anticipating this time.  I am left feeling that I didn’t do enough, I ‘should have’ gone somewhere else – a sense of failure.

Now I have to wait until July for the graduation results.  I received a pass for my dissertation, I found that out upon my return from my trek, but whether i have actually graduated or not, only time will tell...

The Pilgrimage

The journey really begins with all the preparation – I was never really intending on doing a big trek – to be honest i was clueless as to what treks were possible in Nepal. Someone had suggested to me to do a five day trek and that appealed to me, but when I got to Pokhara I chatted to a few people who had just done the Annapurna circuit.  This is a 210km trek around the Annapurna Himalayan Range, where you walk through the Thorang La pass at a height of 5416m.  Most travel books suggest guides and porters, but at $15 a day, that would just blow my budget – so if i was to do this at all I had to do it solo – and yes that means carrying my own stuff... uphill!  So I packed lightly, and only the essentials, leaving the excess of my luggage at the guest house i was staying at. The night before I had a sleepless night – which is quite unlike me – and i realised that I was quite scared about doing this, as I really did not know what was ahead of me.  My bag weighed about 14kg with my water and that troubled me, so out came the sleeping bag as well as the tripod – i would have to rely on asking for blankets as I went along, and a rock to rest my camera on.

Day one of my trek involved sitting in a bus from Pokhara for 5 hours, waiting another hour for a second bus, and then riding a rough road to Bhulebule – arriving at about 2pm.  After so much time sitting in a hot bus i needed to walk, so I began immediately.  The first village was tiny and there were some others from the bus that were spending the night there, so I continued walking further.  I got to the second village at about 5ish, and was told i would not make it to the third, so I kept walking – I am stubborn that way.  It was boiling hot, I was sweating like mad and it was getting dark.  I arrived at the village just before 7pm as the last light of day was slowly disappearing.  Shower, food, sleep.

The first few days the climate was hot and the path was a steady and gentle up hill.  The landscape was littered with tiny stone or mud houses and land that was used for growing crops. As I was doing a lot of walking on my own, it gave me a lot of time to reflect on how I was walking, what pace, when i was rushing and why. It gave me the opportunity to really find my own pace, and on the really difficult uphills, i used my experience of riding of the elephant to tap into the pace of the elephant, walking slowly, lifting legs only so high – and it worked for me.  I found myself using the difficult uphills as a walking meditation, really paying attention to each step, and then on the parts of the path that were easier I would say a mantra to cultivate compassion (Om Mani Padme Hung).  It was after a few days that I realised that I was really doing a pilgrimage, and that the idea of trekking was just something to get me on the path.

I had no goals or expected destinations, so I stopped when i was tired or when i didn’t want to walk in the rain – having said that I did push myself quite a bit and was usually exhausted by the end of the day.  What I noticed was that the prices of food were going up each day, and I also noticed the donkeys and sherpas that carried the food to various destinations along the trek.  So I did not complain about the prices of the food, but I did ration myself and tended to eat a lot of biscuits during the day.  On the other side of the valley one is able to see the development of the road building, where they are blowing up parts of the mountainside to create a drivable road all the way to Manang.

After three nights i could finally glimpse the surrounding snowy mountains, and I was like a child in a toy shop.  That was also about the time when I came across a beautiful piece of rockface known locally as Swargadwari Danda.  This is apparently the resting place for souls once a person has died, and before they move on to other realms – I was so taken with this bit of the landscape – it took my breath away. This was when I started feeling really comfortable with the land and with myself. I visited many Gompas (Buddhist temples) along the trail, some of them dating back 500 years.

I was also fortunate to be able to meet and hear sing Ani Choying Dolma, who spent a day up at the Milarepa cave in Manang.  This felt like a very fortunate time, as I was only able to see her because she was unable to get there on the scheduled day of 3^rd May due to the Maoist strikes, so when she performed on the 5^th, I was there.  I felt so fortunate to be able to attend this event, she has an amazing energy and voice.

All the time I am walking into higher and higher altitude, taking it slowly to avoid altitude sickness, and also because it was uphill – many, many days of uphill!!! I enjoyed this part of the journey so much, that crossing the pass was not really a feature for me, whereas for alot of the other trekkers, that was the goal – The Pass.  I had decided to stay at Highcamp, instead of the lower settlement of Thorang Phedi, really just so that i had less uphill to do the following day.  Man that was a cold night!!! Also at an altitude of 4925m meant that the oxygen level was much reduced, so I did not breathe so easily during the night.  I was up early the morning of ‘The Pass’, and having previously arranged for a porter to carry my bag for the day, my load was pretty light.  Still, it was an uphill climb of 500m, freezing cold and at high altitude – so it took a few hours to get to the actual pass.  I had met Ty the previous day, and we had somehow managed to silently agree to walk together for the day – which was a great relief when i felt that i was about to throw up or suffocate from lack of oxygen.  At these moments it felt impossible to go on, so I would stop and just collect myself, feel the warmth of the sunshine – despite the freezing cold temperature, and drink some of my now-frozen water to help add oxygen to my body.  Reaching that pass was euphoric, as there were times when I felt that i would never get there.  The cup of tea i had was burning my hands, but I realised it was only luke warm when i drank it – my hands were cold!!

Crossing over the other side was a strange feeling for me, it felt like being born in a way, as I was moving from this alive womb-like space into what felt like lifeless desolation.  The landscape had changed so much in such a short space of time, and i kind of felt myself wanting to go back to the other side.  This was a strange time for me, and i found myself feeling quite alone and not really wanting to be. After a few days I managed to regain my momentum and decided to continue walking the route – despite the option of getting a bus out.  After two long 26km days, one thunderstorm and resultant landslides, I landed in Tatopani, which means hot water – and yes, they had it on tap in the form of hot springs. So i had a lovely 2hour soak after those long days.  I was intending to bus it the following day, as I had heard it was a very difficult day, but i soon discovered that there were no buses going in that direction, so it was back to walking.  Ouch – it was uphill all day, for 11 hours(well that is how long it took me) – and no hot springs at the end of the day, just wonderful views.  This day really pushed me to my limit, and there were moments when i really did not think that i would make it.  This also showed my stubbornness though, as there were other villages i could stay at along the way – but I had to be back for my graduation interview so I pressed on!!  I was up early the next morning heading towards my next destination, and ended up staying one village before as some friends I had met along the way arrived and were staying there.

On my last day, i was reminding myself regularly that it was my last day and to enjoy each moment.  Walking through the jungle was spectacular – the birdlife, the butterflies – OMG! The butterflies – they have the most amazing variety of butterflies here – I spent ages just stopping, trying to capture a photo of them.

This trek that became a pilgrimage, was as much a pilgrimage to the exterior landscape as it was to the interior landscape.  I can honestly say that i felt truly happy while doing this trek, finding the joy within, despite the hardship of the walking or other external obstacles.  I am grateful for the many Mani walls and prayerflags that were along the route to remind me to come back to my centre.

Om Mani Padme Hung